I worked for DELL in India.
these are some of the instances of the kind of calls we got!
Just for fun 
1). Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer “Ok.”
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer “No.”
Tech Support:: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?”
Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
2) Customer: “I received the software update you sent,but I am still
getting the same error message.”
Tech Support:: “Did you install the update?”
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”
3).Customer:: “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support:: “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer: “I typed ‘A:SETUP’.”!
Tech Support:: “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer:: “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support:: “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer:: “What?”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer: “No…”
4).Customer:: “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
5).Tech Support:: “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,canyou see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
6) Tech Support:: “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer:: “A white one.”
7). Tech Support:: “Type ‘A:’ at the prompt.”
Customer:: “How do you spell that?”
8). Tech Support: “What’s on your screen right now?”
Customer: “A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocerystore.”
9). Tech Support:: “What operating system are you running?”
Customer: “Pentium.”
10). Customer: “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
11).Customer: “I have Microsoft Exploder.”
12).Customer: “How do I print my voicemail?
13). Customer: “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support: “What does it say?”
Customer: “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer: “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”
14). Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”
Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”
15). Tech Support:: “What does the screen say now?”
Customer: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support:: “Well?”
Customer: “How do I know when it’s ready?”
16). A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the
command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.
Letme know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you ! the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE
Posts Tagged ‘Very’
Tech Support Jokes : Very Funny !?
Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This Is Very Important!?
Thursday, February 18th, 2010I got a error on my pc. I done a update on my pc and when it was done it wanted to go to the net and a thing came up saying that there was an error. It wanted me to go to netgear.com cause thats where the problem is.
Netgear Ethernet (fa312nd.sys)
Isnt “ethernet” the internet? Should I take that program off my pc cause it showed me how, but I dont want to remove my internet! 
Thanks for your time and answers!
Very Difficult Computer Question…help…?
Monday, February 1st, 2010Hi, I started to format my computer last night using windows XP SP2, but by the time i delete the partition, and create a new one(sometimes i don’t even get that far)i get the blue screen of death! i’ve never seen the BSOD during a format attempt! i tried switching ram and hard drives, and even power supplies, and it’s the same everytime! i notice the numbers are different almost every time. a couple times i got the error on the bottom corner of the BSOD saying “usbport.sys” and then a bunch of numbers after that. it’s obvious it’s some type of hardware issue, cause i’m not even using the operating system. HELP!!!
Computer Is Very Mess Up Part 2.?
Monday, October 12th, 2009I have done online malware scan and I have AVG
I have hit box ,double click , avenue I inc ,advertising . com , antmiticom , ad. yieldmanger , atdmt.
Troj_ agent.DOA , bkdr_agnt. DTZ
I ran adware SE and spybot but it cannor remove it.
Note
It is saying Malwarebytes will not run on this type of OS.
Should I try spyware blaster or what other should I try?
unning processes:
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\KERNEL32.DLL
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\MSGSRV32.EXE
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\SPOOL32.EXE
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\MPREXE.EXE
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\ZONELABS\VSMON.EXE
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\mmtask.tsk
C:\WINDOWS\EXPLORER.EXE
C:\WINDOWS\TASKMON.EXE
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\SYSTRAY.EXE
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\IRMON.EXE
C:\WINDOWS\LOADQM.EXE
C:\PROGRAM FILES\LOGITECH\ITOUCH\ITOUCH.EXE
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\QTTASK.EXE
C:\PROGRAM FILES\GRISOFT\AVG FREE\AVGCC.EXE
C:\PROGRAM FILES\LOGITECH\MOUSEWARE\SYSTEM\EM_EXEC.…
C:\PROGRAM FILES\GRISOFT\AVG FREE\AVGEMC.EXE
C:\PROGRAM FILES\GRISOFT\AVG FREE\AVGAMSVR.EXE
C:\PROGRAM FILES\MICROSOFT ACTIVESYNC\WCESCOMM.EXE
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\WMIEXE.EXE
C:\PROGRAM FILES\INTERNET EXPLORER\IEXPLORE.EXE
C:\PROGRAM FILES\INTERNET EXPLORER\IEXPLORE.EXE
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\INTERNAT.EXE
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\DDHELP.EXE
C:\WINDOWS\NOTEPAD.EXE
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\PSTORES.EXE
C:\PROGRAM FILES\GRISOFT\AVG FREE\AVGWB.DAT
C:\PROGRAM FILES\HIJACKTHIS\HIJACKTHIS.EXE
R0 – HKCU\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Main,Start Page = http://news.google.com/nwshp
O2 – BHO: AcroIEHlprObj Class – {06849E9F-C8D7-4D59-B87D-784B7D6BE0B3} – C:\PROGRAM FILES\ADOBE\ACROBAT 6.0\READER\ACTIVEX\ACROIEHELPER.DLL
O2 – BHO: SSVHelper Class – {761497BB-D6F0-462C-B6EB-D4DAF1D92D43} – C:\Program Files\Java\jre1.5.0_12\bin\ssv.dll
O3 – Toolbar: &Radio – {8E718888-423F-11D2-876E-00A0C9082467} – C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\MSDXM.OCX
O4 – HKLM\..\Run: [ScanRegistry] C:\WINDOWS\scanregw.exe /autorun
O4 – HKLM\..\Run: [TaskMonitor] C:\WINDOWS\taskmon.exe
O4 – HKLM\..\Run: [SystemTray] SysTray.Exe
O4 – HKLM\..\Run: [IrMon] IrMon.exe
O4 – HKLM\..\Run: [LoadPowerProfile] Rundll32.exe powrprof.dll,LoadCurrentPwrScheme
O4 – HKLM\..\Run: [LoadQM] loadqm.exe
O4 – HKLM\..\Run: [zBrowser Launcher] C:\Program Files\Logitech\iTouch\iTouch.exe
O4 – HKLM\..\Run: [Logitech Utility] LOGI_MWX.EXE
O4 – HKLM\..\Run: [OmgStartup] C:\Program Files\Common Files\Sony Shared\OpenMG\OmgStartup.exe
O4 – HKLM\..\Run: [QuickTime Task] “C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\QTTASK.EXE” -atboottime
O4 – HKLM\..\Run: [AVG7_CC] C:\PROGRA~1\GRISOFT\AVGFRE~1\AVGCC.EXE /STARTUP
O4 – HKLM\..\Run: [AVG7_EMC] C:\PROGRA~1\GRISOFT\AVGFRE~1\AVGEMC.EXE
O4 – HKLM\..\Run: [AVG7_AMSVR] C:\PROGRA~1\GRISOFT\AVGFRE~1\AVGAMSVR.EX…
O4 – HKLM\..\RunServices: [LoadPowerProfile] Rundll32.exe powrprof.dll,LoadCurrentPwrScheme
O4 – HKLM\..\RunServices: [TrueVector] C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\ZONELABS\VSMON.EXE -service
O4 – HKCU\..\Run: [H/PC Connection Agent] “C:\PROGRAM FILES\MICROSOFT ACTIVESYNC\WCESCOMM.EXE”
O4 – Startup: EPSON Status Monitor 3 Environment Check.lnk = C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\E_SRCV03.EXE
O4 – Startup: Logitech Desktop Messenger.lnk = C:\Program Files\Logitech\Desktop Messenger\8876480\Program\LDMConf.exe
O9 – Extra button: Create Mobile Favorite – {2EAF5BB1-070F-11D3-9307-00C04FAE2D4F} – C:\PROGRAM FILES\MICROSOFT ACTIVESYNC\INETREPL.DLL
O9 – Extra button: (no name) – {2EAF5BB2-070F-11D3-9307-00C04FAE2D4F} – C:\PROGRAM FILES\MICROSOFT ACTIVESYNC\INETREPL.DLL
O9 – Extra ‘Tools’ menuitem: Create Mobile Favorite… – {2EAF5BB2-070F-11D3-9307-00C04FAE2D4F} – C:\PROGRAM FILES\MICROSOFT ACTIVESYNC\INETREPL.DLL
O9 – Extra button: (no name) – {08B0E5C0-4FCB-11CF-AAA5-00401C608501} – C:\PROGRAM FILES\JAVA\JRE1.5.0_12\BIN\SSV.DLL
O9 – Extra ‘Tools’ menuitem: Sun Java Console – {08B0E5C0-4FCB-11CF-AAA5-00401C608501} – C:\PROGRAM FILES\JAVA\JRE1.5.0_12\BIN\SSV.DLL
O12 – Plugin for .spop: C:\PROGRA~1\INTERN~1\Plugins\NPDocBox.dl…
O16 – DPF: {04E214E5-63AF-4236-83C6-A7ADCBF9BD02} (HouseCall Control) – http://housecall60.trendmicro.com/housecall/xscan60.cab
O16 – DPF: {F5D98C43-DB16-11CF-8ECA-0000C0FD59C7} (ActiveCGM Control) – http://map.hamilton.ca/InteractiveMaps1024/ACGM/Acgm.cab
O16 – DPF: {9A9307A0-7DA4-4DAF-B042-5009F29E09E1} (ActiveScan Installer Class) – http://acs.pandasoftware.com/activescan/as5free/asinst.cab
O16 – DPF: {56336BCB-3D8A-11D6-A00B-0050DA18DE71} (RdxIE Class) – http://software-dl.real.com/175a863c8e84e537da20/netzip/RdxIE601.cab
O16 – DPF: {644E432F-49D3-41A1-8DD5-E099162EEEC5} (Symantec RuFSI Utility Class) – http://security.symantec.com/sscv6/SharedContent/common/bin/cabsa.cab
O16 – DPF: {2BC66F54-93A8-11D3-BEB6-00105AA9B6AE} (Symantec AntiVirus scanner) – http://security.symantec.com/sscv6/SharedContent/vc/bin/AvSniff.cab
===========================
Note I have AVG. And above what looks bad.
I Just Bought Auto Cad 2009… Please Open Very Important?
Saturday, October 10th, 2009I just bought Auto CAD 2009 from another country and its not working, its a program and when i insert the CD Rom it says “Run-Time error ‘339′: Component ‘MCI32.OCX’ or one of its dependencies not correctly registered: a file is missing or invalid”
What should i do?? i cant go back to the shop its in london, and this disc is really expensive, what should i do with it.
Am Getting A Very Sincile Error With Xp Which Doesnt Lets Me Log On Or Use Yahoo At All?
Thursday, October 1st, 2009the error am getting is
AppName: ypager.exe AppVer: 6.0.0.1671 ModName: flash.ocx ModVer: 6.0.22.0 Offset: 00057251
i even updated it and still get the same error
Someone Very Good With Computers Please Help!!?
Sunday, August 30th, 2009I tried to run a program and it says
Failed to load control ‘CommonDialog’ from Comdlg32.ocx. Your verson of Comdlg32.ocx may be outdated. Make sure you are using the verson of the control that was provided with your application.
How do I fix this:( please help:(